I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
