It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
