i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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