he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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