opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Vodka?
Forever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
