I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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