I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
