I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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