Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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