i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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