i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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