I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
