mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
