Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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