I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
