Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
