Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
