I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
