and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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