She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she told me i tasted like america
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
