She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
