Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
