The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
