Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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