look no pants
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
