shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
