I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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