Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
