Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
