There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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