If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
honey bunches of taint.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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