You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
