happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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