yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
