He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
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i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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