dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
