I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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