Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I checked into jail on foursquare
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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