Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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