Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
