Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
