Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I could make wine with my vomit
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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