My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
