There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We need a shit load of segways right now
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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