Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
