yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
