Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
