she smelled like a LAN party
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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