i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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