she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he was CRYING into my vagina
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
