Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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