YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
