meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
