I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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