i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
