Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
