i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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