Dignity is for republicans.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My feet surprised me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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