May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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