yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
