she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
