Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The Olympian is in my bed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
