WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
