making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
