So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
